Like many of us, Amanda Cole, author of I Hate Cinderella, can relate to heartbreak. After one too many heartaches, Amanda decided to put all her energy into something positive and wrote a book to give the rest of us some healthy and easily digestible steps for getting over a breakup!

In fairy tales the boy never left the girl in tears… but since we live in the real world, heartache is prevalent.

So you can get a pill for a headache, a liquid for a sore throat, a cream for an itch but you can’t buy anything to help soothe the pain that often accompanies a break up. You can’t find a good solution to why your normally gorgeous skin is sallow and time seems to pass so slowly. Break-ups are rubbish, no-one denies that. We all know there is no immediate solution, no magical potion or formula for it, but there are steps to getting back on your feet and staying there!

Certainly after a breakup there is a needy person that you are intimately acquainted with that needs your love, who will allow the ice-cream at midnight, who will watch as your carefully applied mascara runs off your face. YOU. You need love. You need to put yourself first, above the one who broke your heart, above the sadness, above the plans that now involve just you!

Your self-worth needs a little attention and it’s no good wasting available energy on “him”, even if you thought he was the one. It’s now all about you! So here are some steps to help you recover from a break up, getting back into the swing of things and having your smile reach your eyes. There’s no particular order in which these steps should be followed; remember we know it does hurt but above all else, hearts do mend!

1.Look good and feel better!
Let go of any preconceived ideas that you must look glamorous at this time. This is the part of your life that wouldn’t make it into the movie; rather it will be left on the cutting room floor with all those tear-soaked tissues! Be prepared to realise that you’re still here and while there’s no need for you to look like royalty, the process of getting out of your comfy tracky dacks and into a cute outfit will help!

Result: Crying is cathartic and even though you feel hollow, there may very well be a purpose for your “hollowness”…. Don’t wallow. Look good – you’ll feel better.

2. Throw his stuff in a box and send it back to “him”
There is nothing constructive about having that photo of you two in happier times or still wearing the necklace he bought you for your last anniversary. So go through your house and de-man your life. Be strong and decisive, and chuck it in a box (do not burn any of it!!) and then send it off with your best friend or ditch it at your parent’s house (why not? – all your old junk is there!)

Result: You will feel “free” immediately, and you will have removed the triggers that set the tears flowing. Also it creates more room in your house for new presents (given or bought) that you can attach happier thoughts to!

3. Call your girlfriends (Do not call “him”).
Get out your mobile phone (stay away from Facebook- don’t stress out about changing your status, it’s nobody’s business but yours!) and call your girlfriends. Issue an emergency invitation to go to your favourite cafe. Allow your closest friends to talk it out, get their advice, and remember we have all been on both sides of the heartbreak fence!

Result: You get to see how strong your friends are and you will inevitably be filled with some delicious meal by taking one of the first steps to recovery and facing the public by getting out of the house with good friends.

4. Eat chocolate, Drink wine
It is proven: chocolate stimulates our brain in the same way that some intimacies do. Wine helps your body relax! So have them, share them with friends, go and visit stores that sell fantastic wine and hunt out new brands of chocolate. Become a connoisseur; not only will your libido and skin thank you, but enjoyed in moderation it will also help your state of mind!

Result: You will be happy (in the brain areas) and flushed (in the cheeks!) so you will look happy, which is one step closer to feeling happy.

5. Say “Yes” to every invitation
When you break up, you notice just how many things you had been passing up or had not been offered as you were so time poor. Now you have an abundance of available time to fill, say yes to the invite for dinner with friends you never see; say yes to meet up for coffee with the person you see once every month; say yes to going to your parents for dinner. Basically step outside your comfort zone and enjoy what happens.

Result: Saying yes will bring more offers with more opportunities. Opportunity leads to wonderful things… you never know what is out there in life. There may be more things to make you happy that you had no idea about… yet! Say yes now!

Amanda Cole is a “relationship connoisseur” and is also the author of I hate Cinderella. www.ihatecinderella.com, her second novel You are my Future will be available for purchase next year.