Ravi and jessica Gounder - wedding

The Gold Coast wedding of high profile couple Ravi Gounder & Jessica Gounder (formerly Brown) over the weekend definately set tongues wagging.

The private ceremony held on a prestigious Gold Coast property caused a stir amongst local residents resulting in the paparazzi taking photographs for the local rag.

The two nights of ceremonies went without a hitch, seeing family and friends celebrating their Indian wedding on Friday the 24th of September, followed by a fairytale white wedding on Saturday on the 25th of September.

Guests were treated to traditional and heartfelt contributions from all quarters of the family. Many describing the Indian wedding as a theatrical event that kept everyone engaged for the entire evening – from coconut cracking, through to fire starting.

“This has been the best celebration of two people coming together I have ever seen” one guest was heard musing.

The team at My Life My News wishes the happy couple every success and hope to hear the pitter patter of little feet in the not too distant future.

Ravi and Jessica Gounder - Gold Coast Indian Wedding

Well, Christmas has come and gone. A very traumatic time of year for many singles. For those of us who were away from family at this time of year and without a partner it can be very lonely, but if you have good friends around this can make up for not having that ‘someone’ to share the holidays with.

Further to my last entry we are here to talk about the Walkers you will meet on your dating journey. “What’s a walker?” you may ask. Let me tell you about the ones I have encountered. Now I don’t pretend to be a supermodel or or Einstein but I can’t understand why some people simply treat you like crap on a date. There are some people who simply have no respect for other human beings…

Part of dating is finding out about people and enjoying new experiences, just because you are not attracted to the other person or don’t believe they are right for you, this doesn’t mean you can be, well, “mean” to them. Even worse are when they don’t even have the courtesy to explain what is going on to you. Let me explain. Example: Meet guy – seems nice. Have coffee – seems to be going well. Asks you if you want to eat – getting better. Nice dinner – ok let’s see where this is going. Do you want to go for a walk – sure why not, as long as it’s not down a dark alley and you have a knife.

So far the formula seems to be working right? So you drop in some humour, he seems to laugh (and not in the pretend way). You come across a bookshop and enter. Now this is a great way to see if you have similar interests. It also gives you a peek into their personality. Ask questions – have you read anything interesting lately? What type of books do you read? And then let him know what you are interested in. Well obviously my Sci-Fi/General Fiction scared the crap out of him. He disappeared… yep. Straight out of the bookshop. No “goodbye”; “thanks but you’re not my type”; “I’m actually married”; “can we just be friends”. Just G-O-N-E.

There ladies and gentlemen is a classic Walker. Walkers are those people that just disappear into the ether without a word of explanation. They go to the bathroom and never come back. Worse, they leave the table and then you spot them at the bar chatting up someone else. They do exist, they are out there, and all I have to hope for is that Karma bites them in the arse.

So how do you spot a walker? Now I have studied people and here are some signs I have noticed…

• They stare at everything else but you when you are talking to them.
• They have monosyllabic responses to your questions such as “uh huh” even when you’ve asked them how their day was.
• They take their jacket with them when they go to the bathroom, even though it was on the back of their chair (this is also a pretty good indication that they are going to stick you with the bill).
• They constantly scratch their nose. I understand from some behavioural analysts that this means someone is lying. Before you get agro at them check they don’t have sinus first, just in case…

Now for you guys here is some inside information on a female walker:

• Same as all of the above.
• They flirt with everyone in the restaurant but you.
• They constantly text on their phone (this means she is texting a girlfriend to get them to call her to help break up the date or to tell them what a crap time their having).
• She plays with her hair but not in the sexual flipping way. Generally rolling it around in her fingers and examining the ends. This means she is looking at her split ends and working out when she should see her hairdresser next.

So how do you avoid or evade a Walker? No easy way out really. Taking the upper hand is generally the best way to go. As mentioned I do have an ego and it is sometimes easily bruised, so I would rather do the “well this has been great and it was lovely to meet you but I don’t think there’s any chemistry between us”. This gives me the upper hand and I can walk away with a clear conscious that I have not given the wrong messages.

I think that’s enough for now, next time the Time Waster….

Let’s start with the stalker. This is the person that cannot let it go. There are a couple of different types of stalkers – the one that wants desperately for you to talk to them; the one that you DO talk to then decide that was a bad idea try and break it off but they just won’t get the message; and the one whom you actually meet, decide they’re not for you but again just won’t leave you alone.

Stalker 1 – Listen… I didn’t smile, kiss, etc back at you because I’m simply not interested. I read your bio and I’m sure you mother loves you, but you’re just not my type. Just let it go. Stop smiling, kissing, etc at me and move on to the next person. Also… don’t ask me why I didn’t reply, just move on…

The second type of stalker are those that follow you around electronically. You chatted to them online… once. All I can say is “thank god for blocking mechanisms”. But they hunt you down. Wherever you go – Facebook, MSN, Twitter, they’re there! Lying in wait to pounce on your unsuspecting keyboard. “Why are you ignoring me, what have I done to deserve this?” Ooookaayy, creepy. I’ve never met you, I don’t even know you and now we have some fantasy relationship where I’m your best friend who isn’t speaking to you after knowing you for 100 years (10 mins on the internet). There’s only one thing to do with this person – block, block, and keep blocking. Whatever you do, don’t ever give them your private email address, you’ll never hear the end of it. I love hotmail. I can be whoever I want to be at the drop of a keystroke – hotlips2000; shedevil500; and tomorrow I can simply shut it down and be someone else.

And then there’s the ones you meet. This could be a whole article in itself. How do you stop them from calling. There’s only one thing for it – be honest. Simply say “Thanks, but I’m not feeling it. Have a nice life”. Whatever you do don’t say the magic words “I had a great time”. If you do you have opened the door to a whole set of questions – “Then why don’t you want to see me again”; “You said you had a good time so what’s the problem”. Just turn and walk away. If you meet them online say “Hi” but don’t overly encourage them, otherwise they think you are now soul mates, destined to be together forever. Whatever…

I once chatted to this guy online for roughly 5 minutes, he said some stuff that really made me uneasy. How he meets women in public places for a little bit of gratification, or a lot of gratification in his case, I’m not so sure about hers…. At first I was fascinated, you really do this? Do people really do this? I thought that only happened in porn movies. I soon found out I was wrong. He was an interesting character to say the least. Would I meet up with him? Ahhhh no thanks, not my style. Boy did he go nuts. How dare I lead him on, why wouldn’t I meet him, and on it went. But it didn’t stop there. Everytime I was online he was there. Stalking me. Creep. So when in doubt – block. And if this doesn’t work… I contacted one of the websites and asked them to make sure he couldn’t access me anymore. It must have worked because I never heard from him again. It was a toss up between stalker and moron, but I have to put him into the first category because I didn’t actually meet him.

More next week…

Guest contribution by Julie Allen @ www.thefullpretzel.com.au

Well, I’m guessing it’s the liberation of being face to face that keeps the speed daters dating.

When it comes to that special someone my view has always been – I’ll give everything a shot once. I mean let’s face it, if you’re even contemplating going speed dating then that means someone else out there just like you must be thinking the same or already doing it. I guess in the past there has been some stigma to online dating and dating events, but for the most part I’d say as a society we’re well beyond that – in fact the majority of my single friends engage in some sort of dating assistance – be it a match making services, online or speed dating.

So, back to the issues I see with online versus offline. I know in my general day to day dealings I’ll generally tackle an issue by email or some form of electronic means, most of generation x & y would use an actual phone call as a distant second choice, but online doesn’t require me to have to real-time interact, I can pre-think what I want to say.. but with dating there are other issues, I mean I’ve tried a ways of dating, and the first thing that struck me with online [specifically] instant messaging was the delay. I just assumed the girl of my dreams on the other end was chatting to 30 other wannabes, so she was jumping between chats… I remember one young lass even wrote a sentence that wasn’t meant for me… the person who was intended to receive that message clearly had a more advanced relationship with the girl than I.

So how do you meet someone if it’s not online? We’ll there’s the pub, nightclub and friends parties, but if you’re lucky you’ll blow a hundred bucks and maybe meet 1 interesting person and get 1 number.

There has to be a better way, right? When you lay it out like that speed dating makes sense. You pay the cash, which is cheaper than a Friday night out, you get 10 of the opposite sex to chat to, and here are the big wins if you ask me:

1. Everyone is genuinely single – I can’t count the number of times my friends or I have been chatting to a gorgeous someone, bought a few drinks and then found out towards the end of the night that they have a partner – this is by far the worst, you’ve blown cash and a large chunk of your social weekend on someone who only wanted an ego stroke! Painful!

2. It is safe – yep, as a I guy there is nothing worse than a female stalker – so I’m told. But for women it’s a safe environment and the host keeps everything flowing nicely. Let’s not forget it’s also a guaranteed way of meeting other singles who have a job (eg at least they had the cash to buy a ticket to the event).

3. No single friends required! Now this is something I learned by speaking to some single women, and I think it’s a biggie. Many women have seen their closest girlfriends hook up, get a long term boyfriend or get married and there are don’t have a single girlfriend to head out with on the weekends. The ‘hooked-up’ friends are more interested in a house warming party, or going out for dinner – they don’t want to hit the local bar and chat up some local talent. With speed dating you just show up on your own and away you go – simple! “Speed dating is actually a great way to find a girlfriend to go out with on a Friday night” said Candy – a speed dating host with Fast Impressions.

4. If you look at the champagne, finger food and 10+ dates you get across 3+ hours it’s actually a pretty economic way of meeting people – I did the sums and if you take away the cost of drinks and food, you’re paying between $10 and $15 an hour to be there depending on how much you drink – I mean for the most part it’s cheaper than the movies!

So I decided to grab a single friend, and give this a shot - we went with Fast Impressions – word of mouth works wonders and these guys have a great reputation, they have regular events (and most major cities around the country) and from what I can see the venues are all the types of places we’d normally visit for a catch up on a Friday night. This particular event took place at the Long Room on Collins Street in Melbourne’s CBD.

Long Room - Collins Street, Melbourne

Now, there are obviously a number of different service providers out there, so how do you choose one? Besides doing a Google search for speed dating (which lets face it, probably not a bad start) how else can you find a good speed dating company?

After interviewing a number of speed daters, there were a few interesting things that came up.

Clare says “You need to think about the venue, I don’t want to be in the back of a pub, I want a classy venue, decent champagne and great food close to work and not too far to walk in heels”.

Debby pointed out that the price counts, “You need a price that isn’t the bottom of the market, but still represents value”. This is an interesting point, if the price is more than $50 but less than $100 then you can be fairly certain it’s going to attract a particular type of crowd – the same goes if you pay $20 for the night, it’s going to attract a completely different type of speed dater.

Melissa added that “I’m not going to lie, the person I’m dating, it matters that they can afford a decent event, it means they have a profession or skill that is valuable, plus that means they can also afford to take me out”.

Bruce said “The quality of the website made a difference, I figured if they invested in the website and the venues then they’re probably going to give you a superior experience”.

How do people find out about speed dating? It turns out that some of the speed dating firms also offer group singles parties – they’re slightly cheaper but again provide you with an environment to mingle and be social knowing that everyone is single. Single party goers are often offered cheaper ticketing and are exposed to the brand that way.

What types of people do speed dating?
Well I pretty much saw the whole gamut, I mean you go to these events to see diversity, have a conversation with someone you might not of otherwise had. So of course there might be 1 or 2 you’re not attracted to, but the point is if there are a few there you are attracted to then I’m prepared to say you’ve hit a home run!

Melissa pointed out that for really confident people they have no problems dating, “I mean they [confident] people don’t have an issue telling someone they like them, and strike a conversation, but if you’re a little reserved or worried about rejection then speed dating is soooo for you, speed dating is an equaliser”.

When you think about the fear we all have of rejection it makes a lot of sense that speed dating is a great way to break the ice – I have a few friends that if only someone could break the ice and get passed the first 15 seconds of fear and embarrasement then they’d find a genuine, honest awesome person.

For the confident person, rejection (being told to f’off) is simply their cue to talk to someone else, for many it can spell disaster.

Before the event do you get nervous?
The answer to this is yes – it’s not as bad as public speaking but my friend who went as a dating single required a few drinks before hand to calm the nerves.

I believe the nerves are a normal part of the process, the speed dating host for the night was Chris from Fast Impressions and he said depending on the crowd and venue (and who gets there first) there is generally a segregation of sexes, but by half time the segregation is gone and the mingle is on!

Something else that a few of the daters mentioned is that they feel the time pressure of speed dating ensures that there is no game playing. People are forced to converse within a time constraint, so you don’t get people playing head games, it’s an exchange of genuine body language and conversation.

Bruce said he has met same-sex friends at the events as well “I often get talking to a few of the guys before, during and after and you find you have a similar job, you’re both single and you end up heading out on a Friday night to give each other some backup”.

Bruce also said in the controlled environment of speed dating that he doesn’t feel like a drink supplier, the speed dating specialists ensure all the needs of both sexes are taken care of, which means he can focus on finding out more about the other person and doesn’t have to contend with the “is she using me as a drink supplier for the night, and keeping another man at home” situation.

So for my friend who attended, I guess you’re wondering how he went? Well firstly we had a beer after the event to debrief and it was hard to get him to talk about anything else, he was definitely on a high.

He said the cash for the event would have been the best spent money of the week, and this was a man who just a few short hours earlier thought it might be a waste of time.

Participants are given a binary scoring sheet (yes or no) and if two people tick yes to each other they’re emailed the next day with contact details of the other.

At the end of the speed dating everyone is encouraged to hang back and have a drink, talk a little more to those that interest them. It was at this point a few interesting methodologies came out to filling in the score cards – the women at the event tended to be pretty conservative, marking yes to a select few males. On the other hand the guys tended to be a little more liberal with yes votes, they tended to mark more than 50% of the women they dated as a ‘yes’.

As for my friend, he fancied a few of the girls and marked a number of yes votes, so now we wait and see if their feelings are mutual – I know he’s got his fingers crossed on a couple – you’ll be duly updated in a few days, I promise! Although I’m only going to track this to see if he gets a date or not, beyond that he’s on his own with the ladies – I don’t want to invade a potential blossoming relationship – ok, yes I do, but he doesn’t want me to hinder finding someone special.

Lastly, I’m going to end this story with a quote from one of the speed daters, which I think summed up the speed dating experience pretty well -

“Why try to catch fish in the ocean, when you can shoot them in a barrel!”
- Jenny September 2009.

To book your next speed dating adventure, we recommend www.fastimpressions.com.au

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All the quotes above are real although the names of individuals has been altered to disguise their identity.

If you lie, you will get caught. Now I’m not saying that I lied on my profile but I did opt to leave out some things, for the sake of my privacy of course. I wasn’t lying… I just wasn’t telling. But it seems that some others have taken this to the extreme.

I often went on dates with guys who, after a couple of glasses of wine and some talking, we both realised that there was no chemistry but it was fun chatting. As soon as the pressure was off the whole “this is a date so we have to make it work” scenario the talk often turned to our experiences.

I had dinner with this really nice guy who was telling me about one of his most memorable experiences. He met this lady online, she was absolutely gorgeous, great personality, everything seemed to click. They met and had a lovely dinner where they were definitely getting along. After dinner they decided to move to a lounge and have coffee, while there this guy started to get a sense that something wasn’t quite right.

He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but something about her started to make him uncomfortable. At one point during coffee she got up to go to the bathroom and he watched the way she walked, it was slightly exaggerated and not quite right. Suddenly it clicked, but he was unsure about what to say or if to say anything at all. Finally when she came back he had to ask…

“I don’t mean to be rude but I have to ask you a question…”. “Sure” she said. “Are you a guy?”. At this point I dropped my knife and fork and nearly spat food all over the table. “Are you serious?” I asked and sure enough she had said yes.

I was amazed, there is a difference between leaving something out and pretending to be something you’re not. Well this definitely fits into the second category as far as I was concerned. I was curious, does this sort of thing happen a lot? No, not the guy/girl thing, but the lying thing.

So when I went on a date I started asking about guy’s experiences. I was stunned, it happens a lot! At least once to all guys I spoke with.

The most common lies/omissions:
- Old photo: yes we all looked good in our early 20’s. Let’s face it, gravity hadn’t taken over and plastic surgery was something we pointed at other people and said they needed to have. But really… did you think that photo would get you through the first meeting? Really? This from my small research base seemed to be the most common lie/omission, and all guys said that after meeting them in person they simply turned around and walked away…

- Someone else’s photo: I know it’s hard to believe that people would do this but they do. Sisters… supermodels… whatever… did you think they wouldn’t notice that your hair was black instead of blonde, that you are 5’6” instead of 6’ as per the photo? Once again all guys wouldn’t spend any time on this person and simply walk away.

- Kids: very contentious issue and one I personally found quite interesting. While surfing quite a few guys said in their profile – no kids as we will make our own. Oh come on, are you serious? How many people in their 30’s don’t have kids… Unless you’re planning on dating someone ethereal I don’t think your chances are great.

That’s enough for this week, more adventures to follow….

Guest contribution by Julie Allen @ www.thefullpretzel.com.au

One of the women mentioned that she had had no luck finding a partner in life with cliché lines like “all the good ones are married or gay”. Then to my surprise out popped the simple question that only a year ago would have made people gasp “Are you online?” After a quick survey around the table we realised that five of us had been online and two of us had found partners we were still with.

What are the odds? I never mention to people that I found my partner online because in the past this has caused a furrowed brow and ‘that look’, quickly followed by the simple statement “Oh…”. Was internet dating suddenly cool? And when did this happen? Obviously I had missed the revolution of women who were suddenly confident enough to put themselves out there online and admit it publicly!

I think it is important to say that this table was made up of Gen Y, X and in-betweens. So online dating is not just for the very young or very old but has been embraced as a way of life for some.

I remember my foray into online dating very clearly. I was at a function where I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen for over a year. In the past we had remonstrated together about the lack of single men in Melbourne in our age bracket (mid 30’s) over many glasses of wine. So I was very surprised after asking her how she was doing, to have a diamond ring thrust into my face with the simple statement “I’m engaged!”. How did this happen? When did she have time to go out and meet someone? I was right, she didn’t. She met him online…

I have to confess that ‘the look’ came over my face and the “Oh…” came out of my mouth before I could think about it. But after a long conversation about the pros and cons of internet dating, I decided why not, what did I have to lose.

Who knew that I had stepped into a realm of coolness that I didn’t know existed. Next time I’ll tell you about some of my experiences and what to look out for online.

Guest contribution by Julie Allen @ www.thefullpretzel.com.au

Editors note:
If you’ve had an interesting or note worthy experiences we’d love to hear about them in the comments below!

In fairy tales the boy never left the girl in tears… but since we live in the real world, heartache is prevalent.

So you can get a pill for a headache, a liquid for a sore throat, a cream for an itch but you can’t buy anything to help soothe the pain that often accompanies a break up. You can’t find a good solution to why your normally gorgeous skin is sallow and time seems to pass so slowly. Break-ups are rubbish, no-one denies that. We all know there is no immediate solution, no magical potion or formula for it, but there are steps to getting back on your feet and staying there!

Certainly after a breakup there is a needy person that you are intimately acquainted with that needs your love, who will allow the ice-cream at midnight, who will watch as your carefully applied mascara runs off your face. YOU. You need love. You need to put yourself first, above the one who broke your heart, above the sadness, above the plans that now involve just you!

Your self-worth needs a little attention and it’s no good wasting available energy on “him”, even if you thought he was the one. It’s now all about you! So here are some steps to help you recover from a break up, getting back into the swing of things and having your smile reach your eyes. There’s no particular order in which these steps should be followed; remember we know it does hurt but above all else, hearts do mend!

1.Look good and feel better!
Let go of any preconceived ideas that you must look glamorous at this time. This is the part of your life that wouldn’t make it into the movie; rather it will be left on the cutting room floor with all those tear-soaked tissues! Be prepared to realise that you’re still here and while there’s no need for you to look like royalty, the process of getting out of your comfy tracky dacks and into a cute outfit will help!

Result: Crying is cathartic and even though you feel hollow, there may very well be a purpose for your “hollowness”…. Don’t wallow. Look good – you’ll feel better.

2. Throw his stuff in a box and send it back to “him”
There is nothing constructive about having that photo of you two in happier times or still wearing the necklace he bought you for your last anniversary. So go through your house and de-man your life. Be strong and decisive, and chuck it in a box (do not burn any of it!!) and then send it off with your best friend or ditch it at your parent’s house (why not? – all your old junk is there!)

Result: You will feel “free” immediately, and you will have removed the triggers that set the tears flowing. Also it creates more room in your house for new presents (given or bought) that you can attach happier thoughts to!

3. Call your girlfriends (Do not call “him”).
Get out your mobile phone (stay away from Facebook- don’t stress out about changing your status, it’s nobody’s business but yours!) and call your girlfriends. Issue an emergency invitation to go to your favourite cafe. Allow your closest friends to talk it out, get their advice, and remember we have all been on both sides of the heartbreak fence!

Result: You get to see how strong your friends are and you will inevitably be filled with some delicious meal by taking one of the first steps to recovery and facing the public by getting out of the house with good friends.

4. Eat chocolate, Drink wine
It is proven: chocolate stimulates our brain in the same way that some intimacies do. Wine helps your body relax! So have them, share them with friends, go and visit stores that sell fantastic wine and hunt out new brands of chocolate. Become a connoisseur; not only will your libido and skin thank you, but enjoyed in moderation it will also help your state of mind!

Result: You will be happy (in the brain areas) and flushed (in the cheeks!) so you will look happy, which is one step closer to feeling happy.

5. Say “Yes” to every invitation
When you break up, you notice just how many things you had been passing up or had not been offered as you were so time poor. Now you have an abundance of available time to fill, say yes to the invite for dinner with friends you never see; say yes to meet up for coffee with the person you see once every month; say yes to going to your parents for dinner. Basically step outside your comfort zone and enjoy what happens.

Result: Saying yes will bring more offers with more opportunities. Opportunity leads to wonderful things… you never know what is out there in life. There may be more things to make you happy that you had no idea about… yet! Say yes now!

Amanda Cole is a “relationship connoisseur” and is also the author of I hate Cinderella. www.ihatecinderella.com, her second novel You are my Future will be available for purchase next year.

Australia, September 9th 2009: A global survey, conducted by the world’s biggest singles events company Fast Impressions (“FastLife” outside of Australia), has revealed that Australia is one of the highest ranking countries for the most chivalrous guys.

The study, which surveyed 1000s of male and female singles around the globe, set out to discover people’s expectations on traditional dating behaviour: whether men should be expected to open a door for a woman; who pays the bill on a first date; should a man stand (if seated) when a woman walks into a room; whether its ok for a woman to make the first move and ask a man out on a date?

Australian men ranked high at 3rd, merely beaten by Canadian men (1st) and guys from the USA (2nd).

Yet surprisingly, the Scotts, Welsh, Irish and English-men need to pick up their game with UK males failing to be as well-mannered.

And it’s not just Brits that need some extra lessons in chivalry, according to Australian ladies their Aussie men still have a lot to learn. “Women today still have high expectations when it comes to good old-fashioned manners and believe men still have room for improvement”, says Dating Expert to Fast Impressions Carolyn Clydesdale.

The good news is old traditions still prevail with many men: A Gen Y guy is more likely than his elder Gen X counterparts to pay for dinner on a first date (50%), give up his seat for a lady on public transport (52%), and open a door for a woman (67%). Only 42% of Gen X men would pay for dinner on the first date, 47% give up his seat, and 62% open the door for a woman.

Yet it’s the Baby Boomer men who topped the poll retaining the reins of gallantry in all areas bar one. A somewhat bizarre question set Gen Y ahead of the game; a whopping 25% of Gen Y guys said they will excuse themselves and take the blame if a woman accidently passes wind in a public space, compared to Gen X (11%) and the more less-lax Baby Boomers (5%).

“It’s a myth; chivalry isn’t dead,” says Clydesdale. “But guys hoping to win a lady over need remember that to make a woman feel special doesn’t mean spending a fortune on champagne, caviar & flowers; it’s the little things which count, such as opening a door, pulling back her chair in a restaurant or offering to pay the bill on the first date.”

Interestingly, it seems men aren’t keen to carry out all old traditions. 99% of guys said they’d be happy if a woman made the first move and asked them out on a date.

So ladies, take note – men don’t want to do all the hard work. And according to Clydesdale: “Girls, if you’re fed up waiting for a man to ask you out why not pluck up the courage and ask him first – many men will find this flattering”.

If you’re single and need some dating action then check out www.fastimpressions.com.au