Let’s start with the stalker. This is the person that cannot let it go. There are a couple of different types of stalkers – the one that wants desperately for you to talk to them; the one that you DO talk to then decide that was a bad idea try and break it off but they just won’t get the message; and the one whom you actually meet, decide they’re not for you but again just won’t leave you alone.

Stalker 1 – Listen… I didn’t smile, kiss, etc back at you because I’m simply not interested. I read your bio and I’m sure you mother loves you, but you’re just not my type. Just let it go. Stop smiling, kissing, etc at me and move on to the next person. Also… don’t ask me why I didn’t reply, just move on…

The second type of stalker are those that follow you around electronically. You chatted to them online… once. All I can say is “thank god for blocking mechanisms”. But they hunt you down. Wherever you go – Facebook, MSN, Twitter, they’re there! Lying in wait to pounce on your unsuspecting keyboard. “Why are you ignoring me, what have I done to deserve this?” Ooookaayy, creepy. I’ve never met you, I don’t even know you and now we have some fantasy relationship where I’m your best friend who isn’t speaking to you after knowing you for 100 years (10 mins on the internet). There’s only one thing to do with this person – block, block, and keep blocking. Whatever you do, don’t ever give them your private email address, you’ll never hear the end of it. I love hotmail. I can be whoever I want to be at the drop of a keystroke – hotlips2000; shedevil500; and tomorrow I can simply shut it down and be someone else.

And then there’s the ones you meet. This could be a whole article in itself. How do you stop them from calling. There’s only one thing for it – be honest. Simply say “Thanks, but I’m not feeling it. Have a nice life”. Whatever you do don’t say the magic words “I had a great time”. If you do you have opened the door to a whole set of questions – “Then why don’t you want to see me again”; “You said you had a good time so what’s the problem”. Just turn and walk away. If you meet them online say “Hi” but don’t overly encourage them, otherwise they think you are now soul mates, destined to be together forever. Whatever…

I once chatted to this guy online for roughly 5 minutes, he said some stuff that really made me uneasy. How he meets women in public places for a little bit of gratification, or a lot of gratification in his case, I’m not so sure about hers…. At first I was fascinated, you really do this? Do people really do this? I thought that only happened in porn movies. I soon found out I was wrong. He was an interesting character to say the least. Would I meet up with him? Ahhhh no thanks, not my style. Boy did he go nuts. How dare I lead him on, why wouldn’t I meet him, and on it went. But it didn’t stop there. Everytime I was online he was there. Stalking me. Creep. So when in doubt – block. And if this doesn’t work… I contacted one of the websites and asked them to make sure he couldn’t access me anymore. It must have worked because I never heard from him again. It was a toss up between stalker and moron, but I have to put him into the first category because I didn’t actually meet him.

More next week…

Guest contribution by Julie Allen @ www.thefullpretzel.com.au

In fairy tales the boy never left the girl in tears… but since we live in the real world, heartache is prevalent.

So you can get a pill for a headache, a liquid for a sore throat, a cream for an itch but you can’t buy anything to help soothe the pain that often accompanies a break up. You can’t find a good solution to why your normally gorgeous skin is sallow and time seems to pass so slowly. Break-ups are rubbish, no-one denies that. We all know there is no immediate solution, no magical potion or formula for it, but there are steps to getting back on your feet and staying there!

Certainly after a breakup there is a needy person that you are intimately acquainted with that needs your love, who will allow the ice-cream at midnight, who will watch as your carefully applied mascara runs off your face. YOU. You need love. You need to put yourself first, above the one who broke your heart, above the sadness, above the plans that now involve just you!

Your self-worth needs a little attention and it’s no good wasting available energy on “him”, even if you thought he was the one. It’s now all about you! So here are some steps to help you recover from a break up, getting back into the swing of things and having your smile reach your eyes. There’s no particular order in which these steps should be followed; remember we know it does hurt but above all else, hearts do mend!

1.Look good and feel better!
Let go of any preconceived ideas that you must look glamorous at this time. This is the part of your life that wouldn’t make it into the movie; rather it will be left on the cutting room floor with all those tear-soaked tissues! Be prepared to realise that you’re still here and while there’s no need for you to look like royalty, the process of getting out of your comfy tracky dacks and into a cute outfit will help!

Result: Crying is cathartic and even though you feel hollow, there may very well be a purpose for your “hollowness”…. Don’t wallow. Look good – you’ll feel better.

2. Throw his stuff in a box and send it back to “him”
There is nothing constructive about having that photo of you two in happier times or still wearing the necklace he bought you for your last anniversary. So go through your house and de-man your life. Be strong and decisive, and chuck it in a box (do not burn any of it!!) and then send it off with your best friend or ditch it at your parent’s house (why not? – all your old junk is there!)

Result: You will feel “free” immediately, and you will have removed the triggers that set the tears flowing. Also it creates more room in your house for new presents (given or bought) that you can attach happier thoughts to!

3. Call your girlfriends (Do not call “him”).
Get out your mobile phone (stay away from Facebook- don’t stress out about changing your status, it’s nobody’s business but yours!) and call your girlfriends. Issue an emergency invitation to go to your favourite cafe. Allow your closest friends to talk it out, get their advice, and remember we have all been on both sides of the heartbreak fence!

Result: You get to see how strong your friends are and you will inevitably be filled with some delicious meal by taking one of the first steps to recovery and facing the public by getting out of the house with good friends.

4. Eat chocolate, Drink wine
It is proven: chocolate stimulates our brain in the same way that some intimacies do. Wine helps your body relax! So have them, share them with friends, go and visit stores that sell fantastic wine and hunt out new brands of chocolate. Become a connoisseur; not only will your libido and skin thank you, but enjoyed in moderation it will also help your state of mind!

Result: You will be happy (in the brain areas) and flushed (in the cheeks!) so you will look happy, which is one step closer to feeling happy.

5. Say “Yes” to every invitation
When you break up, you notice just how many things you had been passing up or had not been offered as you were so time poor. Now you have an abundance of available time to fill, say yes to the invite for dinner with friends you never see; say yes to meet up for coffee with the person you see once every month; say yes to going to your parents for dinner. Basically step outside your comfort zone and enjoy what happens.

Result: Saying yes will bring more offers with more opportunities. Opportunity leads to wonderful things… you never know what is out there in life. There may be more things to make you happy that you had no idea about… yet! Say yes now!

Amanda Cole is a “relationship connoisseur” and is also the author of I hate Cinderella. www.ihatecinderella.com, her second novel You are my Future will be available for purchase next year.