Categorised | Dating

Internet Dating 101 – the walker (Dun. Dun. Da. Insert dramatic music)

It’s been a while since I submitted an article as I had to do some (gulp) ‘paid work’ to support my shoe habit. I’m never sure if anyone is reading these articles but will press on with what I started. If you do read it then give me a ‘hoy’ in the comments column, just for my ego.

Well, Christmas has come and gone. A very traumatic time of year for many singles. For those of us who were away from family at this time of year and without a partner it can be very lonely, but if you have good friends around this can make up for not having that ‘someone’ to share the holidays with.

Further to my last entry we are here to talk about the Walkers you will meet on your dating journey. “What’s a walker?” you may ask. Let me tell you about the ones I have encountered. Now I don’t pretend to be a supermodel or or Einstein but I can’t understand why some people simply treat you like crap on a date. There are some people who simply have no respect for other human beings…

Part of dating is finding out about people and enjoying new experiences, just because you are not attracted to the other person or don’t believe they are right for you, this doesn’t mean you can be, well, “mean” to them. Even worse are when they don’t even have the courtesy to explain what is going on to you. Let me explain. Example: Meet guy – seems nice. Have coffee – seems to be going well. Asks you if you want to eat – getting better. Nice dinner – ok let’s see where this is going. Do you want to go for a walk – sure why not, as long as it’s not down a dark alley and you have a knife.

So far the formula seems to be working right? So you drop in some humour, he seems to laugh (and not in the pretend way). You come across a bookshop and enter. Now this is a great way to see if you have similar interests. It also gives you a peek into their personality. Ask questions – have you read anything interesting lately? What type of books do you read? And then let him know what you are interested in. Well obviously my Sci-Fi/General Fiction scared the crap out of him. He disappeared… yep. Straight out of the bookshop. No “goodbye”; “thanks but you’re not my type”; “I’m actually married”; “can we just be friends”. Just G-O-N-E.

There ladies and gentlemen is a classic Walker. Walkers are those people that just disappear into the ether without a word of explanation. They go to the bathroom and never come back. Worse, they leave the table and then you spot them at the bar chatting up someone else. They do exist, they are out there, and all I have to hope for is that Karma bites them in the arse.

So how do you spot a walker? Now I have studied people and here are some signs I have noticed…

  • They stare at everything else but you when you are talking to them.
  • They have monosyllabic responses to your questions such as “uh huh” even when you’ve asked them how their day was.
  • They take their jacket with them when they go to the bathroom, even though it was on the back of their chair (this is also a pretty good indication that they are going to stick you with the bill).
  • They constantly scratch their nose. I understand from some behavioural analysts that this means someone is lying. Before you get agro at them check they don’t have sinus first, just in case…

Now for you guys here is some inside information on a female walker:

  • Same as all of the above.
  • They flirt with everyone in the restaurant but you.
  • They constantly text on their phone (this means she is texting a girlfriend to get them to call her to help break up the date or to tell them what a crap time their having).
  • She plays with her hair but not in the sexual flipping way. Generally rolling it around in her fingers and examining the ends. This means she is looking at her split ends and working out when she should see her hairdresser next.

So how do you avoid or evade a Walker? No easy way out really. Taking the upper hand is generally the best way to go. As mentioned I do have an ego and it is sometimes easily bruised, so I would rather do the “well this has been great and it was lovely to meet you but I don’t think there’s any chemistry between us”. This gives me the upper hand and I can walk away with a clear conscious that I have not given the wrong messages.

I think that’s enough for now, next time the Time Waster….

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